(Source: staypozitive, via goodgirlgoneblogged)

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I need

To relax and just breathe easy

Cause im stressing to much

My 22nd birthday

I’m not doing shit cause the past two years of my birthday were shit! I always wanted it to be special but it hasn’t been. I know it won’t be special this year either! So no I’m not doing shit cause it always goes to shit! And it will never be a special day

Hurt

When you say you don’t give a fuck and don’t care. I start to question if it’s you that doesn’t know what they want. If you don’t give a fuck and you don’t care why o why waste the time being bothered. There’s things you can do but you won’t. People should watch what is being said because the more you say the more I’m going to see I need to remove myself from someone who doesn’t care nor give a fuck. Wouldn’t you do the same.? You have this person you care so much for and it’s them that’s not caring! Taking the easy way out! It seems like everytime I feel something it’s the wrong way to feel! Everytime I say how I feel it’s always wrong? Well am I wrong for being here then,. Because it seems like I’m wrong for a lot. But I never wanted to be wrong for loving someone. But the more I’m wrong the more I feel I’m wrong for staying. I want to be right and stay but your proving me I’m wrong for staying. And your proving me I’m wrong for being the only one who actually cares. And more hurtful your showing me I’m wrong for loving you,.!

Goals

First off I do have a goal. I have a few thank you. Just because it’s not happening fast doesn’t mean shit! I basically stopped smoking weed because I know if I continued to do those things it wasn’t going to get me a better job. See that’s the thing about me, I WANT BETTER FOR ME. I stopped smoking in March cold turkey because I want better for me! And I’m sure by now I can pass a hair test! I’ve decided to start looking for a better job after I get my car fixed so I no longer have to rely on people taking me all over the damn place! School wise I’m not back in school because I was basically tired of changing my major because idk what the hell I want career wise and I find it ok because ppl my age still don’t know like me! Also because of my depression i took a break. I’ve decided to go back in the spring to do my core classes and maybe what ever my major is finish off with that. As for living here I DO NOT want to stay here in Vegas much longer any ways. Vegas is not the place where I wanna have a family and raise kids if I ever have any. I want to work on my self esteem and to love my self again because I find myself losing myself and not loving me like I use to. I hardly go out anymore like I use to its rare that I do now because I’ve partied and I drinked almost every night I’m over it. Im always down to chill and if I do go out to a party it is shocking cause I’m not with that scene anymore like I use too. It really pisses me the fuck off to the core to have people tell me I don’t have shit going for myself, cause bitch everything is a process! Nothing happens over night. Where the hell is the motivation. When you have family even a friend just a loved one period not motivating you it’s just like wtfck! It only makes me more upset. But I proved them wrong before and when I do it again Im not going to be a negative person like they were because in the end the changes I make I’m not doing it for them or to make them proud I’m doing all this for me and to make myself proud

Paths

I really thought god was going to piece everything together for me. Lead me to the right path. Maybe he did a few months ago but I chosen to go back to a path that won’t change or any thing. Or did god bring me back to that path because A change will happen? Im really starting to just want to break down and scream! Because this path is starting to hurt more and more each day. But is this a message god is giving me that once I overcome the hurt I’ve felt with the path I chose to walk backwards to is what will make this path smooth and not rocky ?? I don’t think he had me back here for no reason. You can keep having faith for so long but soon enough you start to loose the faith you walk with and instead of walking by faith you walk with resentment and hate and just more confused and hurt as ever.

When some one who means the world to you doesn’t even care how they make you feel and just doesn’t give a fuck has to be the most worse and hurtful thing ever

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Haven’t blogged in forever